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Encountering rejection, especially when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a definite “Nope.” Working in writing, I am no stranger to setbacks. I commenced proposing manuscripts half a century past, right after completing my studies. From that point, I have had two novels rejected, along with book ideas and many short stories. In the last two decades, specializing in op-eds, the refusals have multiplied. In a typical week, I get a rejection every few days—totaling more than 100 annually. In total, denials over my career run into thousands. Today, I could claim a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a woe-is-me rant? Far from it. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have accepted rejection.

How Did I Achieve It?

Some context: Now, almost every person and others has said no. I’ve never kept score my acceptance statistics—it would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: lately, an editor turned down 20 articles in a row before saying yes to one. A few years ago, over 50 book publishers vetoed my memoir proposal before someone approved it. Subsequently, 25 literary agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. An editor suggested that I send articles less frequently.

My Seven Stages of Setback

Starting out, each denial stung. It felt like a personal affront. I believed my work was being turned down, but myself.

As soon as a piece was turned down, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, disbelief. Why did this occur? Why would these people be overlook my ability?
• Next, denial. Maybe they rejected the mistake? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who made you to judge on my labours? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I deny your no.
• After that, frustration at the rejecters, followed by self-blame. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a martyr?
• Subsequently, negotiating (preferably mixed with optimism). What will it take you to recognise me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be any good.

So it went for decades.

Great Company

Of course, I was in good fellowship. Tales of creators whose books was initially turned down are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every famous writer was first rejected. If they could succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. The sports icon was cut from his high school basketball team. Many Presidents over the recent history had been defeated in elections. The filmmaker claims that his Rocky screenplay and bid to star were turned down numerous times. For him, denial as a wake-up call to rouse me and get going, instead of giving up,” he has said.

Acceptance

As time passed, as I reached my senior age, I reached the last step of rejection. Understanding. Now, I grasp the many reasons why an editor says no. Firstly, an editor may have recently run a comparable article, or be planning one underway, or be considering that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, less promisingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or the evaluator believes I am not qualified or stature to be suitable. Perhaps is no longer in the market for the wares I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and read my piece hastily to see its abundant merits.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many rationales for denial are forever out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Some aspects are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be flawed. They may be irrelevant and resonance, or the point I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or an aspect about my grammar, particularly commas, was unacceptable.

The point is that, regardless of all my years of exertion and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve written multiple works—the initial one when I was middle-aged, my second, a personal story, at retirement age—and in excess of 1,000 articles. These works have featured in newspapers major and minor, in regional, worldwide platforms. My debut commentary appeared in my twenties—and I have now contributed to many places for five decades.

However, no bestsellers, no author events at major stores, no spots on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can better accept no at my age, because my, small achievements have softened the stings of my frequent denials. I can afford to be thoughtful about it all today.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. So what lessons have I acquired?

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